Temporarily Yours
So I've been remiss about writing here...basically, I am still unemployed and I didn't want to talk about it. But my good friend, Moira, told me to keep writing, if not only for her amusement, but also because there is enough comedy happening in my life to write about.Here is a story from last Wednesday...step into my time machine and buckle up to see me make an ass of myself...
Scene: outside of Grand Central
I realize after a bit of shopping that I have to pee really badly. I figure since I am a mere two blocks away from my old job, I would call my good friend, Marla, and have her let me in so I can use the facilities. So I turn around and start to head back down 44th towards 5th Ave.
About half way, I run into a former client from my old job and he has a friend with him. We start chatting, catching up, when I tell him, "I have to pee!" He laughs and says, "I smell like beer!" So you can imagine how well our conversation is going.
As I am standing there talking to him, I am also doing what I like to call, "The Dance of a Thousand Pee-pees" where basically I just shift from one leg to the other. As I am doing this, I start to also do a little kick with my leg; just kick it back a little bit, in a very girlie way. Anyway, so I kick my right leg back and then lower it down, but as I do, I hear this RIIIIIIIIIIPPPP sound.
I turn around and the heel of my boot got caught in this woman's skirt and ripped a hole in it!!! It was awful. It was one of those skirts that has the crocheted-like material on the outside. Anyway, she was foreign and spoke with a very thick accent and said, "you rriiippppeed my skiiirrriiiit."
I was apologizing so profusely, and I kept looking back at the client and his friend, who just stood there, dumbfounded.
Eventually she started walking away, but really slowly. She would walk a bit, stop, look at the skirt, look back at me, and shake her head, and then she would start walking again.
So now I am trapped. I can't walk towards the office because I will end up catching up to her and I don't want her to yell at me anymore...BUT, now I have to pee more than ever...AND I can't even do my 'pee-pee' dance because it causes so much devastation.
Eventually the woman gets to the corner and disappears. So I say my goodbyes to the guys and move to start walking to the office. As I move, some woman rams right into me (karma, people...it exists) and I trip over to the side. I swear, I wasn't even moving when they hit me. It was like everyone else was drunk around me. Terrible
And I still feel bad about that woman's skirt. But at the same time, I think, shit happens, lady. It was an accident. Did she want me to offer to pay for the skirt? Does she know I am just a TEMP!?!?!?!?!?!
Ok, story is over. Please watch your head as you step out of the time machine. Take care
posted by carrie @ 10:08 AM
Comments: 1
